Idiosyncrasies of Izzati Idrus

白と黒／Ivory and Ebony

2012-01-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

DolledUp: A Lady's Goth

2012-01-25T07:00:00.000+08:00

Okay so this time I'm trying to do something a wee bit different than usual (I'm referring to the layout and presentation of this DolledUp section, rather than the makeup itself). I drew up arrows on the main points instead of just blabbing about it. ^_^

I even came up with a name for the look this time around. Oh, don't I have too much time in my hands now thanks to CNY holidays! I call it "A Lady's Goth" because it is inspired by the goth/emo/visual kei look. A dark theatrical variation. But I toned it down much because my outfit's theme was more of, as said by my cousin, "Audrey Hepburn style". see 白と黒。

I decided to fully line my eyes with black gel eyeliner, which I did, but being conscious of the overall theme, I then applied silver and grey eyeshadows. The corner of the eyes were given shadowy effect with grey kohl which further softened the look.

Blush was again very light, to allow focus on the eyes and lips.

And ah, plum lips! If you follow my blog, you might recall my wishing for purple lip colour. After many many searches from many many places, I finally found the purple shade I wanted so much! Yay! Banzai!

DolledUp: CNY Special - the Prosperous Red

2012-01-24T01:11:00.001+08:00

In celebration of chinese new year, I put a touch of chinese influence not only in my fashion style, but also makeup to complement the whole look.

Focusing on the eyeshadows, I chose to go for gold and earthy brown so that the whole look would not be overwhelming. They did help tone down the fury of red, the colour of the day.

Perhaps not very apparent in these photos, but black gel eyeliner was applied only on the eyelids and ended with narrow tips at the corner of the eyes. This was to stay true to the chinese influence as well as to avoid from drawing an illusion of even bigger eyes that may scare people away.

But of course the lips had to be red. As such, I went easy on the blush on the cheeks.

That was all. Just a simple makeup with little chinese influence to go with my red outfit. ;)

the Prosperous Red

2012-01-24T00:31:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year of the Dragon (Yang Water)!

Clashing Galaxies

2012-01-16T13:31:00.004+08:00

B&W: Tiered.

2012-01-03T13:54:00.001+08:00

the Duri

2011-12-31T15:17:00.000+08:00

the Duri.
by; Izzati Idrus
31st Dec 2011

its sovereignty
refutable may it be
wearing its throne of thorns proudly
an armour against many
concealing its vulnerability
soft core faked by a mask so manly
with even an added security
of a smell so bloody nasty
keeping away its enemy
so that untouched it would be.

oh, but King Durian is cowardly
alike powerful politicians we see
owning a heart so rotten and smelly
promising sweet lies at the expense of many
burning the hearts of society
because to it, "none matters but me".

In this dreadful durian season, I have to suffer the terrible smell of durian thanks to having parents who find it irresistible to consume what they claim "the king of fruits". This poem was written by a durian-hater (who once had a durian tree in the compound of her previous house) to reflect her feelings for the fruit after having had to sit in a car for hours with durian-lovers who released the "fanciful scent" every now and then as an inevitable consequence of eating durian on the way of reaching the destination. T_T

thepoplook.com

2011-12-20T16:49:00.002+08:00

I probably would not have been so crazy about online shopping, if it wasn't for two of my favourite online shops. One of them is thepoplook.com.

I find the site's layout presentation easy to the eyes and navigation through the site a breeze. Then there's the FREE domestic shipping *gasp!* Goodbye the need to consider whether or not to purchase an item without combining orders just to make the postage fee worth it!

But of course, the best has got to be the affordable beautiful pieces being offered. Just keep reading and you'll get what I mean.

One of the first things I bought from thepoplook.com is a batwing coffee blouse:

The blouse gave a whole different style to the look.

Its versatility meant that I could not help but wear it way too many times. XD (overuse alert!)

Speaking of versatility, the blue high-waisted harem pants is another such piece. I'm not exactly a fan of harem pants but this one is an exception. The fall of the material is flawless.

Without the harem pants, the look would be lacking oomph!

I love the harem pants so much I've been thinking of making a series of looks with the pants entitled "Aladdin". The above shall be the first of the series.

Oh, but how can I post my favourite items from thepoplook.com without including their popular slinky pleat maxi dress!

I even wore this dress (with different style) to Singapore to watch Wicked a few days ago!

Needless to say, the simplicity of the dress allows for different styling to be made for different looks. When I bought it, only navy was available but now they come in various colours. I even influenced my sister into buying one of the other colour! hehe.. She got the brown/nude one.

Here's another dress which I totally love. I doubt you can find it anywhere else but at thepoplook.com. The gorgeousness of the lace bib pink maxi dress is undeniable, don't you think?

The lace, the drape of the material and the colour of the dress create a look that oozes femininity.

Today I just received two parcels from thepoplook.com and I can't believe I feel the same happiness each time that I receive my purchase from thepoplook.com.

~Items received from thepoplook.com today~

the left one is of POPPY label, thepoplook's in-house brand

I'm sure by now, if you love clothes and styles as I do, that you can comprehend just why I frequently purchase from thepoplook.com. ;)

Island, by Komi Naoshi

2011-11-26T02:36:00.001+08:00

I've always loved reading one-shots because once an idea is introduced, all I want is to know the ending. Perhaps the preference of reading one-shots (as opposed to serial manga) was born out of the poor internet connection I had back when I was in my alma mater, but it seems I still have that preference. But most one-shot mangas that I've read had been disappointing, fine or interesting read. But none quite touched my heart like Island by Komi Naoshi.

photo from myanimelist.net

The beauty of one-shot is the focus on the main plot, hence a lack of divergence from the original idea of the whole story. But one-shot mangas are like short stories, a huge challenge to write, not to capture and hold on the readers' attention like long/serial stories, but to present the whole story within such small frames, such short length and yet able to impress the readers. And Island did just this, with an end that is not definite, just like life, hope and tomorrows.

Have a go at reading it yourself. It won't take you long. Just 44 pages of brilliance.

Read Island by Komi Naoshi HERE.

Rain.

2011-11-21T12:39:00.001+08:00

Rain.

by; Izzati Idrus

How do you feel about rain?

I found Myself asking Me today, when I saw the skies poured water onto the earth. The curiosity was born out of the realization that some jump in joy upon being granted rain while some dread the coming of rain.

So Me pondered a little. Considering that I was not one of those unfortunate ones who suffered flood to feel miserable about the rain, nor was I one of those in the drought area to be elated upon the fall of even a drop of rain, I suppose I was just one of those who hadn't thought much about the rain. Until today, when the question suddenly, randomly hit me.

Then my father said, "There will always be someone unhappy about something while somebody else is happy about the same thing." Just like the saying, "One man's meat is another man's poison."

As I'm writing these words, the song "Be Yourself" play on with the lyrics going on about how a bouquet of flowers could relate to both weddings and funerals. Although the song was by Audioslave, I got a flashback of Guns N' Roses' music video for their song November Rain where the bride threw a bouquet of flowers and the next scene showing a dozen of roses landing on a grave.

I may have digressed a little, but these things are somehow interconnected. They are all proofs to show that one thing could have more than one light that hits it, more than one angle to look at it. They are all about different perspectives.

Hence the question "How do you feel about rain?"

Because to some, rain means the sun is not grinning up above to shower Her good sunlight on our heads. It means they cannot go out and play, it means the clothes will get wet and they can get sick playing in the rain. The gloomy grey sky of a rainy day further depresses them.

But to some others, rain means the world is cleansed. All the bad things are watered down today for a fresher, cleaner tomorrow. It means the world is being fed so that it could say its grace later by being greener and bearing fruits for its occupants.

To me, rain is a friend. You see, rain is water and water is like fire. In my mother tongue, there is a proverb that goes "Api kecil kawan, api besar lawan" which literally means "Small fire is a friend, big fire is an enemy". As long as rain does not come in over abundance to cause me inconvenience in any way, I have no reason to make it my enemy.

Of course, there had been days when I went "Oh great, now we can't go out" in sinister or "Damn I forgot to bring an umbrella today" but I never had to be so desperate as to sing "rain, rain go away" in vain hope to plead it to please stop. Not even when I just washed my clothes and hung them up to dry. I hadn't the need to ever pray for rain to fall either, just so I could grow crops to survive.

Because until today, rain has been my friend. For all the times that it was with me and all the times that it was not. There were times when I cried by myself and was glad to know that I was not alone because my tears were accompanied by the rain on the other side of the window. And I could always vividly recall the great sensation of breathing the air after the rain, especially in the mornings. One of the moments I was reminded of how good it was to be alive.

Rain has been kind to me. I may have only a few friends, but rain is one of them. And for that, I can never forget to be grateful.

FUJIKI NAOHITO ~ an update

2011-11-10T20:23:00.004+08:00

Comments from a reader on my previous article on the works of Fujiki Naohito I've seen led to my writing this update on his works I've seen thus far! To know that my articles are read just pumps me up about writing more~

This time, I'll be mentioning ALL of the movies and dramas starring Fujiki Naohito that I've seen, attempted to see and looking forward to see. For those I've seen, I'll be giving satisfaction meter with 1 being not satisfied and 10 being very satisfied. Yeay, let's get started:

Movies:
Hana Yori Dango (1995)
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

G@me (2003) [7/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

Hana Yori Dango -Final- (2008) [4/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

Hotaru no Hikari (2012)
It shouldn't have been a surprise for the drama of the same title being made into a movie, as it was a popular drama. But I was surprised anyway. I hope it won't be as disappointing as Hana Yori Dango -Final-. I'm going to have to wait next year for its release to find out.

Dramas:
Great Teacher Onizuka (1998) [5/10]
(refer Teacher-themed Jdramas article)

Love Revolution (2001) [10/10]
(refer The Most Beautiful - Jdrama article)

Antique (2001) [6/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

Koukou Kyoushi (2003) [3/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

Itoshii Kimi e (2004) [7/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

Slow Dance (2005) [7/10]

Overall the drama is commendable except for the fact that the girl who ended up with Fujiki Naohito's character in the drama had an unbearable spoilt selfish personality which I find disgusting in a girl. Luckily the main characters played by Fukatsu Eri and Tsumabuki Satoshi were fun to watch. I totally love them as a couple (they also starred in Villain/Akunin together). Basically the story is about a young guy who has no motivation whatsoever meeting a woman who was once his substitute teacher at school. Ironically he is her driving teacher now. The metaphor of him constantly applying brakes in his life and her needing to brake in her life is shown literally in the beginning of the drama too. I would say it's a kind of slice of life kind of drama. It's fun to watch, really, if you focus only on the main characters, which is unfortunate because I watched the drama for Naohito...

Hotaru no Hikari
season 1 (2007) [6/10]
season 2 (2010) [7/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

Around 40 (2008) [9/10]

This drama is of the josei genre about independent Japanese women struggling in work and in love, and especially in dealing with society's expectation of what women are expected to be and do. One of the best things about this drama is that the main roles were played by my favourite actor and actress, namely (obviously) Fujiki Naohito and Amami Yuki. Although the drama mainly explores the dilemma of women around 40 years of age, also touches on love as an acceptance beyond status, age, looks and weird personality. It's also funny how Fujiki Naohito's character is always on about "kechi ja nakute, eko desu" which means "it's not about being stingy, it's called ecology" XD I just recently re-watched the series albeit only the scenes that I like.

Saigo no Yakusoku (2010) [8/10]

I only watched this because it was like a movie (it was a one-episode drama special) so I would not need to watch more than one episode. I knew it starred all Arashi members (of all five I only recognized four) but it was a pleasant surprise to find Fujiki Naohito there! There was also Otsuka Nene, a familiar face from Hero (and also Around 40). The story turned out to be pretty interesting although it wasn't all unpredictable. It's probably something to watch for avid Arashi fans or those who wish for short suspense drama to watch for fun.

Control~ Hanzai Shinri Sousa (2011) [4/10]
(refer FUJIKI NAOHITO article)

I've been wanting to watch Shukumei for a long time now but I haven't been able to find ways to watch it. Hatsu Taiken seems worth watching too, especially since Naohito won Best Supporting Actor for it. I've been postponing watching Ichi Rittoru no Namida because I knew it to be damn sad but I guess one fine day I'll get around to watching it somehow. Maybe. I couldn't bring myself to continue watching Proposal Daisakusen though, as I disliked the main actor and actress (sorry!). I doubt I'll watch even for Naohito...

Regardless, I hope Naohito stars in many more interesting dramas. I can't get enough of him. But at least he is still active in dramas. Tackey seems to have stopped since Orthros no Inu (why?!) and he needs to quickly catch up because I'm beginning to watch his old drama (News no Onna) despite the low quality of the videos just to see him in action T_T

(all photos from Google)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 清春 live

2011-11-04T04:05:00.000+08:00

Yes! This would be THE song to blast on my birthday. And it will surely be the best day, oh Kiyoharu-sama!

Now I'm thinking it will be uh-mazing if he created a song suitable for wedding day. But then again, I don't need one -_-"

Blushing Phthalo

2011-11-04T00:18:00.005+08:00

If you readers could just take a moment to visit the link below and click 'Like' on this photo which I submitted for my favourite blogshop's giveaway contest, I would be ever grateful! Many thanks to those who have done so. For you to have taken some moment to do so, makes me truly happy :)

click here:

Cocktails' Epic Giveaway Contest

A Borrowed Nature: the Beach

2011-10-30T21:38:00.001+08:00

Leap of Faith

2011-10-21T01:02:00.001+08:00

Leap of Faith.

by; Izzati Idrus

21st October 2011

They encourage you to take a "leap of faith". To aim for the moon, and taking a leap to catch it with your own bare hands. Because such effort could lead to an achievement of your dream. It is as though you take a leap into the light in the darkness for a better tomorrow.

But see, it would not be a leap if there is no gravity. The absence of gravity would mean we cannot take a leap because we would instead be swimming through the air. Unfortunately though, the very existence of gravity means that we could take a hard huge fall as a consequence.

Applying what I learned in ACCA, a leap is like an investment, with risks and rewards. The higher the risks, the higher the rewards. The higher you leap, the higher chances of achieving your dream but also the higher the chances of you failing.

Which is why not everyone is excited to take such leap. The fear of falling, of recovering after the fall, tramples the want to reach one's goals.

Which is why the leap is called a leap of faith. For with faith, you will not be deterred from chasing your dreams. Because faith is, after all, a complete trust or confidence in someone or something (Apple's Dictionary).

Faith is the very foundation of willingness, for it reduces, if not eliminates the fear of failure and fuels the passion and energy needed to stay strong in order to take a leap towards success.

While A Levels Economics may have taught me that there is a need for both willingness and ability to sell (supplier) or pay (buyer) for supply and demand to exist respectively, it was since this basic lesson that I learned how willingness and ability are necessary elements in even our actions in daily life.

Ability in this context would refer to the talents, skills and knowledge, among others. While some can be obtained with practice and learning, some are innate in us, in which case, if we are lacking, there's nothing much we can do about it. Fret not, though, for everyone has something they are good at, the trick is how to find that special ability.

The phrase "If there's a will, there's a way" proves to be true in many circumstances. No matter how great or able a person is to do something, if he or she refuses to do it, well, obviously nothing is done.

So you see, not everyone can take this so-called leap of faith. It is not because it is beyond their capability to do so but because the leap carries with it the whole weight of uncertainty. The cost of oblivion in the course of leaping may be thought to be unaffordable to some. After all, the world does not stay static or holds its breath as you take a leap. There could be circumstances not under your control that obstruct you from achieving your dream. Fate (as usual) plays a great role here too.

That being said though, it is not to say that the world is always complex, for sometimes, things are easier than they are perceived to be.

Whether or not you take a leap of faith is not the matter of people pushing you to do so, it is not the matter to be forced on you. To take a leap of faith, you need to be prepared, with back up plans for worst-case scenarios. To be prepared to change your life. To be fine with yourself, regardless of the result of the leap.

It is a matter of deliberation. A matter to ask yourself:

Are you ready to take a leap of faith?

Inspired by Liar Game which I re-watched, the scene where Akiyama's mother took a leap of a building. Also triggered by my contemplation on the topic of freedom, which also led to my writing the latest Emoticle (some months ago), Fall of Freedom.

Aladdin: Leopard & Mustard

2011-10-13T17:55:00.002+08:00

Dark Blood

2011-10-08T22:32:00.002+08:00

Let's do something different today: Instead of merely posting my recent LB look, I'm gonna say a thing or two and post some other photos taken.

Other photos; they're pretty much the same actually.

The stained glass palazzo pants were in my previous look too!:

Mirroring Colors

What I really love about this look is the reds because even though it is my most favourite color, I don't have much of red items in my closet. I am almost always drawn to the more earthy tones like greens and browns. See, I couldn't help but include some brown in the above look >.< (in fact, the pants were offered in several colors and I just had to get the brown one!)

I think I need to have more un-nature related looks (no leaves-, branches-, trees-, bushes-, forest-, flowers- inspired!) like these ones:

Colors of Life!

Shadow Behind the Facade

Photography: A Random Few

2011-10-08T03:13:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, I went through my own blog to see what I've posted so far and noticed that once upon a time (yes, that long!) I posted some photos I took, back when I was in my alma mater. I suppose back then I had a slight interest in photography which explained why I joined the club and went for the field trip. But since then, I hardly picked up the camera until my personal photographer *ehem* went to Far Far Away land (Shrek! >.<) and I joined LB to post my looks.

But of course, there are some photos I did take but had not organized properly in my files that I forgot to share them here. So here's a random few, of the world as I see it ;)

Raya 2010; henna-ed nails, white baju kurung and lilac head-cover.

Japanese books; being one of the sources to learning the culture and language (the other source is of course, entertainment)

Christmas deco @ Curve

Dead Lily

Tea and Coffee

Spider lilies (Hymenocallis?)

It's actually very amazing, if you look closely at those lilies, that from each stem blooms a number of flowers, each flower has a number of long petals and in the middle, there are a number of filaments with orange stamens.

(Please let me know if I am wrong in the terms used to describe the flower, as I learned of plants only in Science which was during my time in Malay. I had to google-wiki "spider lily" and "flowers" to get those terms above)

Experimental: Bundling Brown

2011-10-07T11:06:00.002+08:00

DolledUp 3: Fuyu no Sakura

2011-10-05T16:46:00.001+08:00

This is in no way referring to the Jdrama Fuyu no Sakura (which I doubt I'll watch, anyway! Too heavy romance for me >.<). It is so named because of the grey/white (snow) + pink (sakura) + brown (branches) colour combination I used. I always love the grey+pink eyeshadow but of course I had to include some browns!

Somehow from this photo, it looks as if I applied some gold eyeshadow (which is great on everyone's skin tone, according to Michelle Phan, by the way) but I didn't. I actually used some metallic dark pink as the base.

I didn't line my bottom eyelids for this look, as I wanted my eyes to look less intimidating (as I was using the black gel eyeliner, not the usual brown pencil eyeliner). I'm still trying to find a way to properly apply whites/grey on the corners of my eyes to make them look fresh.

And yes, yes, I shall attend to those eyebrows at the end of the year! XD

(Blue)ming Flowers

2011-10-05T00:50:00.001+08:00

DolledUp 2: Earth and Sky

2011-10-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

All right, the second in my DolledUp series! It's the smoky eyes in brown and a little hint of sky blue with pinkish red lips. Below are the close up:

Please excuse the unruly eyebrows, they have not been attended to (I need to learn how to shape my own eyebrows, really!). For the first time ever, I used eyeshadow primer! It worked wonders, as you can see above. I used to apply eyeshadows on naked eyelids but they never looked as good as with primer.

To get the above look, I used a combination of three shades of brown, grey kajal eyeliner and electric blue eyeliner. I forgot to apply mascara, but I don't think they looked too bad without.

Talking about mascara, I tried on Makeup Forever's mascara and they were really good! Not clumpy, easy to be applied and there was a stark difference between before application and after application. Unfortunately, it was priced too high for my budget (RM115 at Sephora). :( But oh well, at least I tried it on!~

Jero - Umiyuki

2011-10-03T14:56:00.002+08:00

My sister introduced this video to me, after she was introduced to the singer by her Japanese teacher. At first there was the dance moves and I assumed the usual. Then I had a very pleasant surprise of the day, when I heard him singing. Who would have thought? Fluent in Japanese, singing Enka with that great voice and still dancing the street dance. Who says one can't do it all? ;)

This is what I love about mixed culture. One should definitely take advantage of one's own heritage, to at least know more than one language. ^_^

Roses for the Lady

2011-09-26T02:35:00.000+08:00

Colors of Life!

2011-09-25T15:04:00.001+08:00

Wish List

2011-09-25T00:35:00.011+08:00

As at the moment, what I truly wish for are these two:

1) Purple lip color

(photos from Google)

For unknown reasons, I had a sudden want for purple lip color. At my surprise, Bobbi Brown just released their Marrakesh collection just a little after my heart called for violet lips. I have yet to go to its booth to figure out if any of the purple shades available suit me. After all, these full dark lips of mine are not truly a blank canvas that accepts just about every color and shade.

(Photos of Bobbi Brown and MAC purple lip colors off google)

*apparently there is no purple of such shade available in MAC at the moment*

To enlighten myself a bit on a suitable purple lip color (such research is important due to the color being pretty unusual), I googled and stumbled across a website specifically made on purple lipstick (doesn't that say much about purple lips! ^^): http://www.purplelipstick.net/

2) Awesome jumpsuit

Actually I already paid for one jumpsuit but it was unfortunate that the size I requested was not available unless I was to wait for two months(!) I think the jumpsuit would make quite a statement:

(photo from honeypumpkin)

So I'm really looking for a jumpsuit that is somewhat unique and suitable for my petite frame. The ones in Dorothy Perkins that I saw were so amazing but they weren't meant for short girls. :( I just wanted to shout, "Have mercy! After all, jumpsuits were originally made in smaller sizes, no?"

Shadow Behind the Facade

2011-09-24T22:08:00.001+08:00

All that glitters is gold

2011-09-20T21:51:00.001+08:00

Mirroring Colors

2011-09-19T17:42:00.001+08:00

Cultural Celebration: Pastellete

2011-09-18T01:21:00.000+08:00

Bitter.

2011-09-15T21:39:00.018+08:00

One of the reasons why I dislike Djoker is for his winning streak throughout 2011. I mean, it's kinda difficult to acknowledge that there's someone so lucky out there during the time which, you are not. Since the second half of 2010, I feel like I've been abandoned by luck. So yeah, Nadal and Serena, you're not the only ones not very fortunate this year.

But of course, I cannot say that in my case it is solely the fault of luck. My effort and whatnot play some roles too. I know that, but I'm still bitter. Because I was also deprived of some things that did not require much effort.

For example, the payment made for exam entry was transferred successfully yet the exam entry details were not recorded. And when the matter was pursued for rectification all they managed was an apology and solution which was as good as

"We'll just refund you the money transferred IF there was any so you'll have to re-enter for exam IF you wish to sit for the exam (cuz we can't be bothered if you didn't) and sooo sorry about you having to pay the standard rates instead of the early rates that you claimed to have paid but it's not our problem. After all, we always advise students to pay early."

GREAT. Not only the exam entry was difficult to be made, to log in to the website itself was always a task. Remember how tough it was for us ACCA students to retrieve our results last year? So, really, should the system be efficient enough such a problem should not have arisen. But hey, who cares, right, however faulty the system is, there will always be many many idiots running to them for the damn certificates!

Can you really blame me for being bitter? When filling out the exam entry form (again, after so many tries) I saw the checkbox regarding disabilities and I was reminded of how my cousin mistakenly ticked his in his form for the application to a local university despite not having any disabilities. He was rejected for that and only after the matter was straightened out that he was accepted into the university. So now it makes me wonder, perhaps the rejections from the UK universities on my applications may have been partly due to my disclosing about my disability. It isn't like I'm totally disabled, I mean, I don't even require excessive help, but I just thought it was better to be transparent and honest. Huh, but of course I was just naive in my ideals. The world is not so accepting. How discriminative. Just because someone is lacking in one department doesn't mean that she is incapable in education or work. Hello? Ever heard of Helen Keller?

There was also that story of how I was rejected from being a freaking sales assistant for mere reasons of my wearing hijab (refer Life, Discrimination and Injustice). Honestly, I don't understand why people just freak out when they see people covering their heads in modesty but they do not freak out when people wear headpieces or cover their heads for fashion. If it was because it is a symbol of a religion, that is just poor excuse, because nobody freaks out seeing people wearing crosses. Seems whatever propaganda really works on the mass.

I am also bitter of the fact that some people are just so rude that they speak in a language they fully well know that I do not comprehend. It goes to show how respectful people are, really. And they say I'm the one unfriendly. Speaking of friend, that's another reason to be bitter. No matter how far I extend my hand to people, it doesn't seem to reach the other party's. To think that I'm the one being seen to be unapproachable. Ah, and don't even get me started on relationship. I was rejected immediately and the poem I gave him since then appeared to be distasteful, especially since he did tell me he disliked it. To top that off, my embarrassment was a story to his friends and his new relationship was just there for me to see. But now it's a lesson for me that I should never have forgotten about what I feel about such relationship.

Then of course, I can't help but being bitter about not being given scholarship back when I wanted it. Now though I'm glad I'm not tied down like a domestic dog with unwanted bonds. Still, I am dissatisfied with the criteria they take into consideration in selecting scholars. So sorry I can't seem to be confident, can't seem to know how to talk, can't seem to hold certain knowledge, can't seem to have done charities and whatever activities that would have thickened my portfolio to make it impressive rather than to have done it out of sincerity. So sorry you can't be bothered to learn of what I am capable of.

Suddenly, since last year it got even worse. I didn't pass some papers despite facing the embarrassment of going for the full classes. Which means, not only was I unhappy, time and money were all wasted. Isn't that superb? Then to accidentally read some people bragging on their fb status regarding them passing their papers with flying colours, getting exemptions for papers and being an ACCA affiliate is just like putting salt into the wounds. Sure, I'm happy for you braggarts, but really, you don't have to stuff your pride and joy in people's faces. People will know when you're successful.

Yes I am indeed bitter. Bitter for all the rejections. Bitter for being one of the few who truly love me and appreciate my work. Bitter to feel that this pattern is not going to change any time soon and it is not entirely my fault. Bitter to be told that I have to change and be someone else just to impress so as to be accepted.

No. However bitter I am, I will be me and I am changing, but for my betterment, for my own sake and not so that I can kiss people's asses.

I am sorry I am different, I am one in a billion and that you can't accept me for adding a little flavour to the bland mass.

Random Mutters

2011-09-10T21:49:00.004+08:00

Damn, I've been lookbooking like crazy lately, my blog has become an album rather than a blog of posts. -.-" I should really write a word or two.

Oh well, lookbook craze ends today for me as I need to prioritize my time for more important matters. But that doesn't mean I won't be wearing nice clothes... XD

All right, it's time to get serious, to have that super determined Izzati take over from now on. I've been enjoying life lately, it's only right I return to reality and make this reality a fun place too, just the way I used to do: to face reality, make it something I like and get it over with.

I should have the ichi ka bachi ka mentality. To aim, put all of my strength and shoot straight. Ganbattara, kitto daijoubu deshou? Doushite mo, ganbareba iin ja nai? Dakara, ganbarenakya!

Because I Heart Colors!

2011-09-10T21:47:00.000+08:00

My Shirt is an Art

2011-09-10T15:09:00.001+08:00

Midnight at Midday

2011-09-10T02:35:00.000+08:00

Love is Red, Black and Japan

2011-09-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

Pale

2011-09-09T05:54:00.001+08:00

A Glass of Milk

2011-09-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

Playing Dress Up!

2011-09-08T15:39:00.001+08:00

Orange Floral Puff!

2011-09-07T20:40:00.001+08:00

As Cold As Blue

2011-09-07T01:21:00.000+08:00

Toned.

2011-09-06T17:56:00.001+08:00

Kawaiku nai? :3

2011-09-06T06:09:00.000+08:00

Cultural Celebration: I Can't Lose to HER!

2011-09-05T23:08:00.001+08:00

Whimsical Fashion Details: Bows

2011-09-05T14:15:00.001+08:00

(photo form Google)

I didn't quite fancy bows before, especially bow ties. But hey, can you blame me, all I ever saw back then was Kadir Sheikh Fadzir, the minister who wears bow ties on daily basis...

Since I joined LB, though, my perception changed. Suddenly I want everything bows! Just take a look at how the fashionistas in LB do justice to bows:

By Colin H.

By Adam Gallagher

By Joanna Serwus

But since it'll be tough for me to work a bow tie, I shall resort to other bow details such as heels, perhaps: (photo from Google)

And rings! My current obsession. In fact I've just recently got one for myself ;P *happy*

Cultural Celebration: Those Little Details

2011-09-04T19:33:00.001+08:00

Whimsical Fashion Details: Buttons

2011-09-04T13:55:00.006+08:00

(photo from Google)

I once sketched a design with buttons as the theme. Off More Artwork Off Izzati's Archive post I made ages ago, here's the sketch:

Just the other day I saw a look in LB of someone wearing a cap/hat fully accessorized with colorful buttons! But since I couldn't find that particular look today, I'm gonna share this one I just saw which is equally awesome, by Oh Angubolkul:

I think one of the first designs I'm going to make in the future will involve buttons. Functional and/or non-functional.
Let's discover the beauty and other usages of buttons!

Cultural Celebration: Sketch Me White

2011-09-04T12:46:00.000+08:00

Cultural Celebration: Pink it was love at first sight

2011-09-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

Experimental: Cutout, Studs, Leopard & Batik

2011-09-03T20:20:00.001+08:00

Lee Jin Wook ~

2011-09-03T02:06:00.003+08:00

Something a little different here in this blog: my new handsome man is a Korean!

Yes, I did like that guy from Hello My Teacher & Coffee Prince, but didn't feel the need to post anything about him. But Lee Jin Wook whose work i only saw in Myung Wol the Spy as Choi Ryu that man with principles, I just couldn't resist!

My first impression was, "a pair of unique eyebrows" then "wow, intense eyes.. and prominent jaw" then "ok, i gotta admit, he's kinda good-looking" then *gasps* "what lean body... oh no, i like..".

As the story unfolds, his character develops and he has more screen time, I found myself sighing about just how handsome he is. In Myung Wol the Spy he didn't smile much, but when he did, "Ah!~"

Here's what a youtuber said:

which I totally agree with!

I'm currently trying to find links to watch City of Glass where he is the main actor. I really hope that he'll star in more interesting Kdramas (with pretty girls and interesting characters, of course).

But for now, let's just enjoy this perfection of a man... ;)

Cultural Celebration: Branches and Flowers

2011-09-02T11:29:00.001+08:00

土屋アンナ　-　I believe in love

2011-09-02T01:14:00.001+08:00

土屋アンナ　ー　あたし

2011-09-02T00:39:00.001+08:00

Cultural Celebration: Chained Leopard in Black

2011-09-01T22:13:00.001+08:00

A Hard Fall

2011-08-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

A Hard Fall.

by; Izzati Idrus
24^th August 2011

And I see myself in the shadows of Eve, albeit with me there is no Adam.

I descended from the Heaven above to the world below. Falling, falling, awaiting a hard fall. For the world is harsh and merciless. And I am a disowned Princess left alone on the streets.

But unlike Eve, I do not know what sin I’ve committed to be thrown out of the Palace. I do not know what seed I’ve consumed that it makes me this unfortunate and unwanted.

So how can I make things right again, while fighting against the vicious reality of the world?

Though I’m aware that there are still beautiful things I am blessed with, and that the world is a better alternative to Hell, there’s only so much that the world could offer.

Would I be able to turn the table around, to gain the strength to climb the ladder back up to the Castle? Would I even be able to find where the invisible ladder is located at?

Sengsara

2011-08-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

Sengsara.

oleh; Izzati Idrus

24^th August 2011

habuk-habuk di hati hilanglah segera

biarlah malam ini aku yang punya

izinkanlah aku nyenyak dibuai lena

walau mimpi indah hanya sementara.

pejamku mata dari melihat dunia

redhakan aku lupa seketika

hidup yang membuat aku berduka

supaya berhenti darah hati yang luka.

tidakkah sudah aku sengsara

dadaku perit gundah gulana

hatiku sakit parah merana

tamatkanlah seksaan yang kurasa.

Denim Goes Feminine

2011-08-23T15:28:00.001+08:00

Goodbye and Reconciliation

2011-08-23T00:33:00.002+08:00

Goodbye and Reconciliation
by; Izzati Idrus

The divorce was final.

It was during last year’s half-end of semester. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to terms with the fact that I still held on to thin string of hopes that he would return to me. It took me one whole year after our separation for it to dawn on me, for me to understand, that our marriage was over.

After he cut ties with me, he didn’t look back at all. He did, though, fulfill his obligation as an ex-husband. But that was just it. He did nothing more than the minimum.

The bond between us was gone. It felt as though I was watching his back on me, walking towards the other direction, with no hesitance while I hesitated in extending my hand to his shoulder.

He has forsaken me.

Because I took him for granted.

And now I can no longer rely on him. To win him back seems out of the question. To land someone like him is even a huge task on its own, with little potential for success.

So I have no choice but to return to my loyal best friend whom I’ve long forsaken. And though I looked at him in embarrassment, hardly able to look up to his face, he merely welcomed me, saying:

I knew you’d come back. Let’s walk hand in hand the way we did before. But you have to work hard to be at my pace.

I cried. For I knew from the very beginning that although my best friend Effort would not reach out for my hand, he would hold it if I could reach his.

For I am still sadden to comprehend that I’ve been too dependent on my long marriage to Luck that I forgot that he’s not one to be patient, not one to stay forever.

Aru yoru.

2011-08-22T01:04:00.002+08:00

Nanka ne, mata nemurenakute..

Shinu hodo ni mune to kokoro ga itain da. Mune no itami wa byouki no sei nan dakedo, kokoro no itami wa shinpai no sei kamo shiranai ne.

Atashi wakatteru kedo, atashi no kazoku wa atashi no mikata da tte. Demo ne, samishikute kurushikute sho ga nai no. Datte, kazoku igai wa daremo atashi no soba ni itain da. Shiawase no toki wa tomo ga iru kedo. Kurushimi no toki, kanashimi no toki ni atashi wa hitoribocchi.

Kowai no yo. Ashita no koto mo mirai no koto mo. Benkyou no koto mo shigoto no koto mo. Kazoku no koto mo hoka no kankei no koto mo. Subete no koto.

A Borrowed Nature: Predators and the Forest

2011-08-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

Syawal spirit + Gemilang collection

2011-08-19T22:17:00.006+08:00

Syawal Spirit + Gemilang

by; Izzati Idrus
used pencil, colour pencils, drawing pen and soft pastel

In conjunction with this year's Merdeka Raya on 31st August 2011.

Teacher-themed Jdramas

2011-08-17T13:34:00.010+08:00

When it comes to stories of teachers, my preference actually lies more in the relationship between a student and teacher that is frowned upon by society because it is just exactly what makes it an interesting drama. Which is why I love Majo no Jouken.

And although I hate Koukou Kyoushi 2003 (a little review in Fujiki Naohito article), I still watched it right to the end.

Still, I do enjoy watching Jdramas where the focus is on how unlikely teachers conduct their classes in their own unique ways.

I remember watching Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO) long time ago and kind of liking it, but since I couldn't recall what I watched back then, I took the initiative to re-watch the series. After watching every episode there was of the drama, I wondered why it was so popular back then and why I ever liked it. Undeniably, Onizuka was a caring teacher but his aggressive ways were hardly commendable. The drama seemed to encourage students to just do what they like, and that schools are just for making friends and memories. What I couldn't tolerate was one of the comedy elements in the story whereby men do not seem to respect women. It didn't seem to me that the teacher was even qualified to teach, other than to teach about 'life is all about doing, don't even stop to think!'

Then of course, I had to watch Gokusen, because it was one of the popular teacher-themed Jdramas around. But the storyline is just too predictable, with (almost) every episode ending with Yankumi fighting after lecturing people and announcing that she's the homeroom teacher and every season beginning with her being called to be a homeroom teacher of a class full of delinquents. Even the comedy elements relating to Yankumi's love life and hitorigoto were like running gags (that became less and less funny) throughout the drama. It appears to me that the ideas were all just recycled and modified a little here and there to come out with new episodes and seasons. I then lost all reasons to watch Season 3 (although I might just watch just to see Miura Haruma).

For both the dramas, the teachers made a cliche promise of being there for the students whenever they need them and all they have to do is just call. I think Kdrama Hello My Teacher kind of concludes this aspect, and the gangster traits of the teacher like that of Yankumi and also student-teacher romantic relationship altogether in one drama. But well, that is Kdrama.

Just recently, I decided to watch Joou no Kyoushitsu (aka The Queen's Classroom) after dropping it at first episode looong time ago due to bad internet connection.

Thanks to hearing enough good reviews about the story, the want to watch more of Amami Yuki whose acting in Boss was impressive and also of Shida Mirai whom I started to like from Tantei Gakuen Q, I finished watching the series (except for the specials).

I have to admit to crying like crazy watching the drama. At last, I found the one amazing teacher-themed Jdrama. The drama stresses on the importance of both studies and life and most importantly to take responsibilities of one's own actions and life. I have no complaints about the drama. It was perfect. Although the story was pretty idealistic (as many other dramas) in a way that in the circumstance that there is no one who's willing to go against the Akutsu Maya-sensei, they would have ended up being totally different.

The whole idea of the story was interesting and you always end up wondering what else could the seemingly evil teacher be up to next and what kind of reaction would the students make. The lessons taught in the drama are worth contemplating over as well. I especially love what Maya answered when she was asked by the students as to why they have to study:

It is not that you have to study, it is not that you study to pass tests and exams. It is that you want to study. It is human's nature to want to study, to learn of the things of the world around us. If we have no such want, we are lower than the monkeys.

Yet another Jdrama is added to my most favourite list.

Fatamorgana - Hijjaz

2011-08-17T13:19:00.000+08:00

Pulanglah pada Tuhan cahaya kehidupan
Syarat bahagia di dunia
Akhirat kekal selamanya pada Allah

Sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan di dunia
Cabaran dan dugaan mendewasakan usia
Rintangan dilalui tambah pengalaman diri
Sudah sunnah ketetapan Ilahi

Deras arus dunia menghanyutkan yang terleka
Indah fatamorgana melalaikan menipu daya
Dikejar dicintai bak bayangan tak bertepi
Tiada sudahnya dunia yang dicari

Begitu indah dunia siapa pun kan tergoda
Harta, pangkat dan wanita melemahkan jiwa
Tanpa iman dalam hati kita kan dikuasai
Syaitan nafsu dalam diri musuh yang tersembunyi
Pulanglah kepada Tuhan cahaya kehidupan
Keimanan ketakwaan kepadanya senjata utama

Sabar menempuh jalan tetapkan iman di hati
Yakinkan janji Tuhan syurga yang sedia menanti
Imanlah penyelamat dunia penuh pancaroba
Hidup akhirat kita kekal bahagia
Imanlah penyelamat dunia penuh pancaroba
Hidup akhirat kita kekal bahagia

Pulanglah pada Tuhan cahaya kehidupan
Syarat bahagia di dunia
Akhirat kekal selamanya pada Allah
Allah

Kirai Mono

2011-08-12T20:45:00.008+08:00

Among the human behaviour that I detest:

Talking in the library.

Talking in the surau.

Sleeping in the surau.

Blocking people's way. (especially if the person is fat and doesn't seem to acknowledge that)

Forsaking to say 'excuse me', 'thank you', 'sorry' and 'please' in relevant circumstances.

Rempit i.e. illegal street racing.

Throwing toilet paper in the toilet bowl. (especially if there's obviously rubbish bin right in front of them in the cubicle)

Facebooking about success, happiness and/or sadness.

Rioting. (especially for self-interest, just because or because others are doing it, at the expense of innocent people)

Scratching themselves in public.

Putting their feet where they do not belong.

Not putting cleanliness as a priority.

Salespeople who judge potential customers rather than promoting their products. (they are employed to provide services, not guarding their products like security guards)

Not counting their blessings and longing for 'happiness' that is defined to them by the shallow world.

Men who do not open the door for women.

Men whose expenses were paid by women.

Men who hurt women and/or children.

Men who shout.

Men who lie and make empty promises.

Smoking especially in front of people's faces, pregnant ladies and kids.

Taking relationships and love lightly. (breakups, on/off relationships, divorces, polygamy, having mistresses)

I honestly think people are in desperate need of proper education in relation to manners. (a call for class for manners!) Rather than merely feeding their IQ, people should feed their EQ too. As humans who are granted brains, we have no excuse to lack civilization.

Thank you, people, for forever adding to the number of those who embarrass the human nation.

A Borrowed Nature: the Bushes

2011-08-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

Cobalt+Vermillion

2011-07-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

Slytherine

2011-07-23T16:27:00.000+08:00

Kuroyume Live Performances

2011-07-23T01:37:00.000+08:00

Songs:

Shounen

Misery

A Borrowed Nature: Wood and Leaves

2011-07-20T21:56:00.001+08:00

The Roaring Reader

2011-07-14T21:42:00.000+08:00

Lazily Lace

2011-07-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

What is summer without the ocean?

2011-07-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

Empathy & Marriage

2011-07-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

Empathy & Marriage

by; Izzati Idrus

30th June 2011

23:30

I married an empathy

A man who not only wept at my misfortunes

But held my hands and said earnestly

"We're going to get through this"

A man who knew not pity

That sympathy by the privileged

But wore himself the very inferior shoes

Of the unfortunates.

Be not mistaken though

Kind an empathy he may be

He was not selfless

There was in his heart a want

To be understood, to be empathized

Hence he chose not to marry

Until the day he knew me.

Our marriage was not one of pity

Neither was it one of need

Rather it was one of complement

Each being the support of the other

Strengthened by mutual understanding

And the desire to hold each other's hands.

I married the empathy

Who married me, who in his eyes

Is the empathy.

Cardilac

2011-06-29T23:51:00.001+08:00

Flowers of Holiday

2011-06-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

the Melancholic twins

2011-06-26T22:39:00.001+08:00

What exactly is HALAL?

2011-06-26T21:36:00.005+08:00

What exactly is HALAL?
by; Izzati Idrus

I think it is about time for a little education about the true meaning underlying the word that Muslims need to be sure of prior to consumption (of any kind, as it is not restricted to only food).

Contrary to popular belief, halal is NOT merely "No pork".

What constitutes halal is more than just the "no pork" policy. When we ask for HALAL FOOD, ALL of these criteria need to be met:
1. well, of course, no pork or lard or anything that has to do with pig or boar
2. no dog's meat
3. no alcohol
4. no amphibians' meat

as muslims cannot consume animals that can live in two worlds
5. only meat of an animal that has been slaughtered in the islamic way i.e. by:

a) pronouncing the name of Allah when slaughtering,
b) the animal to be slaughtered should not see the tool for slaughtering
(less the animal fears, after all we slaughter them not to show our superiority)
c) the animal must be slaughtered without prolonging its suffering
6. seafood is consumable
7. the food will not cause harm to the eater (this applies to each person's specific cases, eg patient should care not to eat food that will harm him/her further)

I suppose the above should be good enough summary about what halal food truly is about. If I missed out on anything, let me know so I can have this article of education revised.

Before I end my writing though, I cannot possibly resist pointing out that smoking, in my view is haram. And my stand for saying that it is a non-halal consumption is because of the seventh point. Not only its consumption causes harm to the smoker himself/herself but also the people around him/her as well as the environment. I do not see anything good about smoking other than the fact that it gives what temporary satisfaction to the smoker (who consciously or unconsciously burning his money) and the profit that tobacco company gains.

Eye Candy? O.o

2011-06-18T19:21:00.000+08:00

日本語のフレーズ！

2011-05-23T17:37:00.003+08:00

No smoking: 禁煙（きんえん）[Myra-san & Jdramas]
No drinking and eating: 飲食禁止（いんしょくきんし）[Yahoo]
No trespassing: 立入禁止（たちいりきんし） [Yahoo]
Kanben shite kure: give me a break [various sources]

Iro iro arigatou gozaimashita: thank you for everything (for shorter period) [Berlitz]

Nagai aida osewa ni narimashita: thank you for taking care of me in this long period of time [various Jdramas]

Sakito's (Nightmare) Guitar Solo compilation

2011-05-20T15:50:00.001+08:00

Kono Kodoku na Keshiki wo Ataemae - Kiyoharu

2011-05-20T15:41:00.002+08:00

Skinning I.

2011-05-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

Skinning I.

by; Izzati Idrus

Am I this skin of mine?

Perhaps, but I'm certain

I am not just my skin.

Is this skin of mine me?

Maybe, but it is more

Than mere surface,

That covers my heart.

I'd like to think that

This skin of mine

Instead of just a map

Into my heart and desire,

Is more precisely a history

Proof of my background,

The answer to where

I came from.

My skin is a product

Of the past both

Recent and ancient

It does not dictate

What I am, what I think

It does not reflect me today

It does not show my future.

My skin is the beauty

To be respected

So that my beauty within

Could then be appreciated.

My skin is the effect

Of love and hate

But it should never be

The cause for

Love nor hate.

The meaning of a faithful love.

2011-05-19T17:06:00.001+08:00

The meaning of a faithful love.

by; Izzati Idrus

20:26; May 2nd 2011

I can only promise to love you

From what I perceive of you now

Should that perception change

As you let me in of who you truly are

I cannot say I would love you the same

My feelings for you would probably change

Depending on your true colours revealed.

It isn't that I am unfaithful

But it is just that I am too faithful

To the you that I know now

Not to the you of the past nor of the future

Hence I can't possibly be committed to marriage

For people change, both you and I will too

And I can't make a vow just to break it

Nor can I be made a vow that would one day break.

Perhaps you'd retort that these are mere justifications

Plausible enough to stand on my case

But think of me however you wish

For disliking me now for just this reason

Only serves to show that you can't love me

More than how you perceive of me up to now.

Inspired by Koori no Sekai.

Guren - Gazette

2011-05-18T18:00:00.000+08:00

Watashi no Shiawase

2011-05-16T18:20:00.005+08:00

Watashi no Shiawase.

Izzati Idrus.

Watashi wa kawarimono kamo shiranai kedo, hitotsu dake minna to onaji. Shiawase ni naritai. Mainichi mainichi ikite ite, shiawase wo sagasu.

Watashi no shiawase wa watashi no kimeru koto wo shinjiteru. Naze nara, hokani hito ja nakute, jibun jishin no omoi deshou? Dakara naze, oshiete kurenai ka na, naze minna wa watashi no shiawase wo soko made kimeritai no?

Watashi wa jiyuu ni naritai. Nareba watashi wa kitto shiawase ni naru. Jiyuu na kuni ga aru ka na? Aru nara ikitai naa, sugoku ikitai naa. Jiyuu na kuni de RUURU nanka nai. Seken mo watashi no ikikata kimenai. Bouryoku to ka shitto to ka nai. Ai to sonkeishin dake ga aru.

Demo, sonna kanpeki na sekai wa doko mo nai yo ne. Shitteru na no ni, naze watashi wa mada ikiterun da rou? Naze mainichi mainichi ikite ite, shiawase wo mada sagasu no ka. Naze kibou ga mada arun deshou ka.

Moshikashite, kowain dakara mada ikiteru no? Datte, shinu nara dou narun da rou wakaranai deshou?

Mou iya. Sonna kanashii riyuu no tame ikitakunai wa. Mou iya da.

Kore kara, watashi wa, kono te de, watashi jishin no jiyuu na kuni wo tsukuru.
Watashi ga watashi no yarikata de yaru. Watashi no shiawase wa watashi no kimeru koto dake ja nakute, watashi no tsukuru koto dakara ne.

Diamond Dust - Kyosuke Himuro

2011-04-29T22:41:00.004+08:00

Thanks to the drama Koori no Sekai (Ice World) starring Takenouchi Yutaka and Matsushima Nanako, I stumbled upon this beautiful piece and came to know of the awesomeness of Himurock.

Takin off for work

2011-04-27T20:57:00.002+08:00

When words become Dots, Roses could help

2011-04-21T20:56:00.000+08:00

Bold Hues of Flowers, Leaves and Branches

2011-04-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

1 in 13 million

2011-04-08T13:21:00.001+08:00

1 in 13 million - The only native Japanese Imam in Tokyo from Uchujin on Vimeo.

the Pastelette

2011-04-03T20:23:00.001+08:00

Kebaya; Maroon+Kerawang

2011-04-01T20:06:00.001+08:00

Memories; Mornings and Lullabies.

2011-03-31T21:30:00.001+08:00

Memories; Mornings and Lullabies.

by; Izzati Idrus

3ist March 2011

Memories are curious things. Their authenticity is doubtful, their accuracy is subject to debate. At times they are mere creations of our emotions. Other times they account for true events that had taken place. Some memories are vivid, while others could only be vaguely recalled.

But I know one thing about memories is that they are often sentimental. They remind us that we felt something and those feelings are now stored somewhere in the clutter of our minds. And hearts.

I found myself loving the little fragments of seemingly unimportant memories I hold of my past, rather than those memories that people often boast of. I don't become particularly happy as I recall the kinds of memories that are captured by the camera to be kept in photo albums, or those memories people share with others and call "experiences".

I take most pleasure in those small sweet moments, as I'm sure my dearest sister and cousin would be able to relate to:

Mornings and gardens never failed to remind me of my old home in Penang, where ours were full of practicalities of daily routines that the green of the grass was unappreciated, and the somewhat vast land was pretty much unutilized.

Still, I remembered sitting in the doorway only in my pajamas as my mother did the laundry. I remembered the scent of the newly washed clothes. I remembered looking at the grass while cats passed by.

Most vividly in my memory, though, is the smell of the mornings. The smell of those rough grass that were seldom cared for. I could even remember the calmness I felt as I imagined drops of yesternight's rain against the grass. It appeared morning dew was enough breakfast for me then.

Although in that garden that was once ours there was a swing, whenever there was even a mention of one, I would not immediately recall the white one we had. Instead I would reminisce the blue one that was at my grandmother's. The reason for which was simple: that my sister and I always wanted a chance to be the one to sit there with our beloved grandmother.

Sometimes, in the evenings, my grandmother would sit by herself in the swing. From inside the house, if we could hear the sounds of the swing being swung, we would rush out, bringing along a huge pillow. After which we would smile at our grandmother and she would gesture for us to sleep in her lap. As we always hoped she would.

The best part was when she sang to us lullaby. As we lay there in her lap feeling the wind against our cheeks as the swing went back and forth, she sang, "Do-dodoi, tidurlah sayang…" That song even now still resonates my ears. And sometimes, I even sang it to myself or imagined her singing it to me when having troubles sleeping.

If I could be truly honest, I would say these memories are the ones that I would never forget. Other memories, just somehow don't make such great impact to me. They pale in comparison to memories of the appreciation of mornings and grandmother's lullaby in a swing.

Thank goodness for technology and innovation that we are able to have external storage for memories we consciously made and proud of never forgetting just in case we need proofs and reminders of them. ;)

Hang on(to) me for I'm no scarycrow

2011-03-31T20:29:00.000+08:00

the Basic Blue

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Sou - Inoran

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the Modern Tradition

2011-03-28T19:49:00.001+08:00

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2011-03-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

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土屋アンナ　-　I believe in love

土屋アンナ　ー　あたし